Thursday, April 10, 2014

Stercus Casus Dare

Back in 2013, one of the winners of Ludum Dare put in the effort to spruce up his evolution-themed RPG and market it for ten bucks on Steam. Disregarding that shit, I bought it through a Humble Bundle for six dollars, which came with other titles, their soundtracks, AND most of the money I paid went to charity. I'm not saying the game isn't worth an Alexander Hamilton on its own, because I'm clearly typing that at the moment.

**You probably already know this, but the Ludum Dare is a competition that requires a single person to create a video game from nothing in 48 hours using a chosen theme that's given the moment the competition begins. It's called "Ludum Dare" because dorks like to name shit using Latin. Not only are we under the false impression that it makes things sound cooler, but we also love it when you ask us to translate what we just said.**

Evoland beat just over 1400 other entries (and some children) by centering its story around the evolution and imitation of RPGs. Nearly every aspect of the genre's history was incorporated, minus the whole "type in a command" bullshit that only manages to be enjoyable nowadays when blended with a high concentration of nostalgia and alcohol. Whether it was meant to be clever or an excuse to be lazy, chests are opened to unlock practically every aspect of the game, including sound effects, enemies, random battles, health, experience points, traps, vendors, a restless child that runs in circles, and graphical improvements, but not an interesting plot.  This begs the question; "If treasure chests created the world, then what created the treasure chests?" Possibly chicken eggs, but that's the sort of philosophical inquiry best left for a raptor.
It's the only day in the history of Aogai. I literally unlocked you all less than an hour ago.
Throughout this game, the player will notice blatant inspiration from various major franchises, though none are more apparent than Zelda, Super Mario, Diablo, and, especially, Final Fantasy:
If you're wondering, the airship's owner is named "Sid."
Most of Zelda's references involve the gameplay outside of random battles, the chest-opening cinematic, and dungeon enemies. There's also the main character, Clink, still sporting the green attire that complimented the appearance of his original design for the Ludum Dare: a dead ringer for the NES Hylian. The most notable trio of enemies from the Super Mario Bros. series show up as random battle trash, and Diablo's hack 'n' slash, combo-building, loot-dropping mechanics are represented within one cave dungeon, though I didn't notice a single reference to the all-important Horadric Cube. 


What the fuck did you just say?!
Yeah, it's a really shame, too. I hear there's quite a treasure in it... porn, Dr Pepper, and an NES copy of the Tengen (Toppa Gurren Lagann) version of Tetris (complete with shades).

Also, there are plenty of minor references sprinkled throughout the journey, but they're more enjoyable to spot on your own.

For a concept thrown together during the length of a typical weekend (thirty hours, actually), Evoland does a wonderful job of showcasing the industry's technological progress throughout the years. Unfortunately, very little was added to the project once the competition was over. There's certainly an improvement with bosses, collectibles, more non-Horadric Cube references, and stronger graphics, but when you finish off the final boss, you'll likely agree that it's still lacking, and I don't just mean it could be longer. I enjoyed seeing a bastardized version of a Chocobo and was surprised by the minor reference to Illegal Danish, but that's it. After a few years, you'll probably only remember this as "that game about stuff from other games." You can expect roughly six hours of play if you aim to get everything on your first run. A straightforward adventure can be done in under an hour with the current record holder finishing it in about 34 minutes. There's no customization, no satisfying conclusion once you defeat Zephyros, and while finding all the collectibles will earn you a couple of achievements, hugging every wall of every dungeon to discover hidden passages without the convenience of some sort of Zubat repellent just isn't worth the trouble of doing it yourself. Also, once the changes become less frequent, all the player is left with are stupid-easy puzzles and mindless trash battles to grind worthless experience (raising Clink's level will do nothing to help with the final battle). On the plus side, the purchase of Evoland comes with it's complete soundtrack. As one would expect, the music also evolves with 8-bit, 16-bit, and HD tracks... all mediocre.

 I strongly recommend waiting until it goes on sale again, but if thirty minutes of entertainment are worth ten dollars to you, then go ahead and download a copy. It's not a bad game. It's just too plain and simple.
Including zombie dogs and grammatical errors.