Why not?

I felt like doing something marginally different.

Anime is a catch-all term for Japanese animation. It's commonly recognized by the big eyes, entire mouths on one side of the face, teenagers with the curves and muscle mass of adults, and numerous cost-cutting techniques one would expect from an independent artist hoping to showcase his potential through Newgrounds, Vimeo, Youtube, Dailymotion, and DeviantArt.While many western shows rely upon similar tactics, they don't come with the sort of obsessive fanbase anime has thrived upon since Dragonball Z and Sailor Moon. Yes, there have been plenty of others before them, but Gigantor, Voltron, Speed Racer, Astro Boy, and so on, did little more than create a semi-strong following for themselves, rather than for the industry outside of Japan. For the older folks, we can thank movies like Akira, Vampire Hunter D, and Ninja Scroll (I know what you are thinking, but many didn't even realize Studio Ghibli movies were anime. This misunderstanding was shared with Pokemon.) They did their part, though, again, not to the extent that led to the development of entire television blocks like Toonami and Ani-Monday, along with various, well-established websites offering fan-subbed bootleg content. Now, nearly everything is reasonably attainable, and a handful of these illegal sites have gone straight with legal distribution funded through advertisement and membership fees. By the way, this is me clarifying my comments about DBZ and SM's impact upon, at least, the American market for anime. I can't really speak, nor type, for other countries. If I'm wrong, and probably am, you're welcomed to correct me. If anyone's curious, my first experience with anime is found on an earlier post. Since nobody is, I'll move on to my point.

Crunchyroll is an excellent provider of legal anime, manga, and drama, and comes with the conveniences of online shopping and news relating to the media. It also provides the opportunity for users to post their own reviews of the content, which others can then rate as being either helpful or not helpful. Anyone who has suffered through my blog before already knows where I'm going with this, so I'll just skip it and move on to posting a handful of my own where it can be criticized by those with an opinion I might actually give a shit about. Just kidding.

Nagi-Asu: A Lull in the Sea / Anohana

People came out of the ocean, liked what they saw, and stayed. Others didn't. Now we've got human beings and merfolk that actually look identical to human beings, except they must keep themselves moist (with porn). Due to a diminishing population of water babies, four teenagers watch as their school closes its doors for good, forcing them to attend classes on land. They befriend a surface dweller of the same age by accident when the klutz of the bunch is caught up in one of the stranger's nets. It's an over-the-top bullshit coincidence scenario being used to make these characters into instant friends because a decent story would have required the same minimal amount of creativity and effort that many in Japan throughout the world are too lazy to apply to their work. The kid's grandfather used to live in the sea, but gave up his ena (a membrane of sorts that allows these folk to live and breathe in the sea) to be with a woman on land. No one has ever regained their ena after making this decision, and many have left the seas to pursue these mixed relationships. This provides sound reasoning for why those living underwater have dwindled in numbers and why the school had to shut down. The issue is never addressed, however, as Nagi-Asu only wants to focus upon fictional characters (primarily teenagers) falling in love.

The problems with this story really don't show themselves until the audience is made aware of everyone's feelings for one another. As is commonplace with teenage romance in anime, every main character seems to be attracted to another main character who is also attracted to a main character, but none of these main characters share this attraction with those who are attracted to them. Sounds complicated, but this isn't really a big deal, because all anyone has to do is communicate their feelings and the confusion will sort itself out in no time!

As if that wasn't bad enough, it becomes clear that the creators of this ludicrous storyline believed an unlikely puppy love pentagon wasn't a desperate enough attempt to stretch out Nagi-Asu over the span of 26 episodes, so they resorted to the ol' No-One-Says-A-Fucking-Thing-Until-The-End plot. Yes, whenever it seems as though things could finally come out into the open, relieving our cast of fear, stress, and confusion, one of them starts crying (usually that bitch in the picture), and runs away. "No time to talk now, merpeople! We need to chase after her!" Once in a while, no one flees, and, instead, a third person might show up suddenly to butt in, or perhaps a disaster occurs, but, whatever it is, every action taken will result in the worst possible outcome, thereby pushing the length of the series in order to sell another overpriced volume on DVD and Blu-Ray. With shotty decision making, the romance turns into a love heptagon, possibly because the unrequited feelings shared between only five people is just too believeable for the audience to tolerate any longer. I know I was beginning to grow bored with it. There's also this world-cooling phenomenon creating a never-ending winter of salt snow, but, as usual, the power of pure love can fix that, too, because who knows more about romance than kids?

I didn't care for Nagi-Asu. It's obvious that the intent here wasn't to tell a great story, but to make people emotional. Crying viewers are buying viewers, after all. Same deal with another shallow tearjerker, Anohana. Both present themselves with idiocy that leaves a thinker irritated and wanting to scream at the monitor:

"Just fucking say something already!"
"So, none of the adults here are going to be responsible in this situation?"
"You're all fourteen years old! What the Hell do any of you know about... anything?!"

With Anohana, it was even more baffling. Menma's a ghost, so no one except Jintan can see or hear her. Makes sense so far. Yet, Menma can move things around, bake, and even has weight. With those factors in mind, and common sense, why does it take so long for Jintan to convince everyone else that Menma has returned? The whole "The feels are real!" garbage people constantly apply to shows like these is bullshit. How am I suppose to feel for something that has clearly been half-assed in its creation for no better reason than profit?

"Ok, everyone, fuck the details! From start to finish, I want this to be sad and futile! Create a two-dimension character, give him an episode showcasing some friendless, dead-mom childhood where he shuts himself off from the rest of the world. Then, slowly bring him out into the open with the help of some cute girl his age, then have the sad fucker, or the girl, die off heroically, from an accident, or through some misunderstanding... whatever! I don't care! Dead equals money."

Here ya go, everyone! Animate my totally original idea into a 12-episode series on a mediocre budget, sell it for over $115 on Blu-ray, and I'll take no more than a mere 5% in the profit. If the distributors claim the price is too high, include a poster and one of those papercraft figures, then call it a "special edition." Just remember to pay me my share.

I'm no fan of the genre, but I'd recommend Angel Beats or Clannad, instead, if you really want this sort of thing.

Akame Ga Kill!

Here's a wonderful example of how an action-centered anime should be told... for about half its run.

A minor deviation from the manga, but I'm sure a handful noticed and appreciated the +1 in bust size for all the ladies, even if it didn't make much of a difference for Mine.

Akame ga Kill! centers around Imperial Arms consisting of 48 legendary weapons, creatures, and accessories that grant a variety of powers to their owners. I think one of them is even the father of some energetic blonde-headed kid, but who really cares about the details of some spin-off series? When two or more of these individuals battle, it's almost a guarantee that only one will survive. This sets the series up in a similar fashion to Basilisk, with each new death becoming significantly less impactful. In fact, near the end, it actually borders on being downright obnoxious. Pointless. Excessive. Shows like Shiki, Monster, and even Gantz, may fall within the same genre of Akame's "Kill'em all!" variation of tragedy, but there's a meaningful resolution to look forward to with each of these in one way or another. They provided a sense of satisfaction I could not find after finishing White Fox's adaptation. This show is a major letdown for anyone expecting more from it than shameless tearbait.

Want death done right in an action series? Check out some of the other shows I just mentioned, or, better yet, watch Madhouse's 2011 remake of Hunter x Hunter. Best action anime series ever. 

I would like to recommend Neon Genesis Evangelion, but it's not that everyone died so much as they were willingly turned into Tang and mixed together into a sphere held by a giant, naked woman whose head falls off and crashes into the planet as an unsettling piece of music plays in the background. Perhaps that's the sort of thing you're into. I just know most want nothing to do with Tang, as it's not a very tasty drink.  

Kill la Kill

It's Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann with a female protagonist, best friend, and arch rival. Plenty of Gainaxing and hot-tempered conversation that concludes with an insane final battle.

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

It's Kill la Kill with a male protagonist, best friend, and arch rival. Plenty of Gainaxing and hot-tempered conversation that concludes with an insane final battle.

Queen's Blade

Ass. Titties. Ass 'n titties. Ass. Ass. Titties. Titties. Ass 'n titties... with fighting.

Seitokai Yakuindomo

Revolving around an uninspired cast of plain anime characters (*cough* I'd like to further point out that none of them are interesting), Seitokai Yakuindomo is little more than a ho-hum comedy that feeds heavily upon low-hanging fruit, especially bananas.

In their defense, SYD only makes this comparison one other time.

Ok, so two more times.

Fine. Three more times.

Well, at least they thought of it first.

Ok, but they did change it up once in a while by replacing the banana with a popsicle. Practically a brand new joke with that, right? Right?! Why won't you respond to me!

Older shows, like Ranma ½ and Urusei Yatsura, are given a pass, simply because they helped shape much of the popular content commonly found in anime comedies, though neither should have run for as long as they did. As for the rest, and I'm sure to catch flak for this, I recommend avoiding the mediocrity emanating from Haiyore! Nyaruko-san, YuruYuri, Sparrow's Hotel, Bobobo-bo bo-bobo, DearS, MM!, and Ookami-san to Shichinin no Nakama-tachi. Obviously, I include Seitokai Yakuindomo in this bunch. Boring stock personalities spend twenty minutes each episode regurgitating dirty jokes from middle school. Here's the punchline for nearly every attempt at humor: "I'm comparing this to sex." Granted, I'm no fan of Gintama either, especially when it decides to reference some other media in the laziest, most obvious fashion possible, but there's variety in those jokes. SYD just keeps going back for more from the same well of perversion it's been drawing from since it began. After the first season, I can admit that I did laugh at one joke. One, and it was quickly ruined when some dipshit at the studio decided, "Hey, that was mildly humorous. At the end of this same episode, have them do the joke again. It'll be one of those call-back jokes that comedians like to use, but we'll build the whole thing up again so everyone sees it coming a mile away. That'll make it better!"

The one time I actually laughed, and SYD fucked it up.

Yeah!
-_-

I think what really bugs me about it enough to waste time blogging anime reviews is that SYD feels like the equivalent of some loser getting up on stage during amateur night at the Chuckle Hut only to read off one-liners and knock-knock garbage from a book he picked up while buying groceries. Even if there are people who will laugh at what they hear, it's not his content. It's not even an admirable attempt to put a spin on that content. Just one stale line followed by another. It's like watching another Pokemon flash about the trainer being attacked by swarms of zubats, figuring out why a fire type cannot burn trees that must be cut in order to clear the path, and having Professor Oak ask about the player's gender. Thing is, those animations are still being made, and SYD was given another season to do the same.

Want my recommendations for alternative comedy? Then why in the world are you reading this to begin with?! Nuts to you all! I'm gonna provide them anyhow ...Buncha assholes comin' here for no better reason than to tell me I ain't allowed to express myself like that.

Mitsudomoe, Level E, Yondemasu yo, Azazel-san, and Nichijou

It's important to acknowledge those who also ventured into SYD's genre and managed to not only maintain their dignity, but also molded their own, more interesting styles doing it.

It's amazing to me that a series like Mitsudomoe can center around a cast of hideous, underaged girls, then prove itself to be exceptionally perverted and entertaining, a combination that fails more often than not in the industry. More amazing is that its humor relies heavily upon misunderstandings and a lack of communication, and I don't despise it for that. Similar to Nagi-Asu in that aspect alone, this idiot plot of sixth graders is surprisingly well thought out (most of the time). Each bit tends to play out in a similar fashion: a simple, relatively dumb conversation begins, both parties are talking about something different, and, as with most shows, it should end with that. Mitsudomoe isn't content to score the first down, however. In many situations, they mad dash to a metaphorical end zone that the viewer probably didn't even think existed. At one point, a conversation about the show's version of the Power Rangers resulted in a male classmate pulling his teacher's pants down to impress the youngest of the triplets. A relatively tame example to share, but why ruin the good stuff?

Mitsudomoe was green lit for a second, shorter season, though I admit that most of it failed to live up to the first. I'd still recommend watching those eight episodes though, because the best these girls have to offer is found within it, and it more than compensates. Also, I'm a sucker for the exceptionally loving bond these girls share with their commonly-mistaken-for-a-pedophile father. It's heartwarming.

That line represents Level E to a T (let the terrible joke sink in for a second)

From the guy who graced us with YuYu Hakusho and Hunter X Hunter comes a short-lived story about a handsome alien prince who manipulates/ruins the lives of a variety of people for his own amusement. Never anything drastically harmful. Just childish and obnoxious. The episodes don't connect with one another too well, and it's not the usually "bonk you over the head" stupid stuff many have come to expect from the industry. As a result, I doubt many will appreciate Togashi's quirky humor, but he brings something else to the genre that anime sorely lacks. For that, I applaud his efforts.  

Yondemasuyo, Azazel-san is beyond dumb. The strong majority of the time, the animation looks excessively dreadful, even for the sake of comedy. In fact, I'm fairly certain that nearly the entire budget for the show went into the few scenes showcasing the true forms of those demons while five-year-olds were paid in candy to doodle abominations for the rest of the series.

Gorgeous!

The content is degrading and offensive to a point of absolute stupidity. The story has to do with demons being used by humans while angels hunt them down, but both are portrayed poorly, and even the all-powerful god in charge of these angels is little more than another perv with a love for penis jokes. The only one to be taken seriously throughout the series is Akutabe, the detective who is feared by every demon foolish enough to defy him, but, as the series continues, it's worth noting that his assistant slowly becomes increasingly terrifying, as well.

Here's the thing about all of this, Azazel-san doesn't merely pick the low-hanging fruit. It also picks up the partially-rotted bits that have long fallen from that tree. It's a uniquely enjoyable experience for you funny lovers, unless you're easily offended. One of these demons has the ability to make people shit themselves. It's that sort of humor.

Straightforward stuff.

Nichijou does everything right in a comedy. Ok, most everything.

~A pair of fast-paced openings by Hyadain. Hyadain. Hyadain. Fun stuff.
~A relaxing collection of endings
~A strong variety of characters
~A mixture of comedy that ranges from simple to complex to "Why the fuck is that man wrestling a deer in the middle of the school yard?"
~A budget that allows Keiichi Arawi's creativity to properly shine for even the most extreme and outlandish moments
~A defining art style. Granted, nearly all the characters seem to be decorated variations of the same template.

An adorable template!

Also, Hyadain.

Nichijou is slice of life alternating between the antics of a trio of high school girls and the odd relationship of a child genius, a talking cat, and their wind-up android caretaker. Need I type more about it? How about this: even those blue twintails and wooden blocks in that image provide additional, bizarre content.

Kuuchuu Buranko

From December 17 to December 25, a screwball with a fetish for needle injections helps his patients deal with a variety of psychological problems by having a frowny nurse in a sexy pink outfit administer vitamin shots that change the patients' heads into those of animals. The serious and silly aspects of their disorders are displayed through an assortment of animation styles, and each person shows up for a guest appearance in the episodes of other characters. 

Sounds fantastic, I know, but it is a product of Toei Animation, so don't expect too much visually. That studio absolutely hates spending money on quality animation. One Piece, Sailor Moon and, recently, World Trigger are prime examples of that.

Setting aside Toei's shit-poor reputation, I loved watching Welcome to Irabu's Office. I'm a fan of psychological content and a sucker for colors. Lots of colors. And this show has them all over the place. It's as if the creator of this universe threw up after suffering from a severe case of crayon-related Pica (Red's the best flavor, of course). I understand that this isn't really the sort of the thing that appeals to many within the anime community, but the Irabu series has been recreated as a live-action series, a movie, and as a play. That counts for something, doesn't it?

Gyakkyō Burai Kaiji

Ending this garbage with something else a bit different, Kaiji is a long-running series about a gambler who suffers through more ups and downs than Okano Natsumi on an elevator-themed rollercoaster through Gravity Man's stage. Punished heavily for his mistakes (good and bad), Kaiji is a man who experiences firsthand how terrible human beings can be while entertaining the ridiculously wealthy through life-ruining games. 

The biggest turn-off for most viewers is Nobuyuki Fukumoto's artstyle. The characters are pretty darn ugly, I admit that, and women seldom appear in his popular works, but don't let either of these prevent you from indulging in this sausagefest of well-written drama and strong psychological emphasis on character development. Kaiji's efforts to free himself from debt are filled with moments of intensity amplified a hundredfold by the voice of Tachiki as the show's narrator (The guy's so good that you'll watch the fucking recap just to hear more of his voice.) There are currently two seasons of Kaiji, but I'd recommend watching the second set of 26 episodes first. It's so much better than the first that a live-action film was produced during it's original run. Prepare yourself for numerous scenes where nothing happens, yet you'll still be on the edge of your seat. Anime mindfucking at its best.

If this sounds interesting, then I'd also recommend Akagi, another psychological gambling series by Fukumoto, but there's a significantly different story being told here, about a guy who is considerably different from Kaiji, and it revolves solely around the game of mahjong.

Ok, I think that's more than enough for one terrible blog. Nice to leave my comfort zone of video games and go into other interests once in a while. I think this turned out tolerably. All that's left for me to do now is stand, say a "Thank you" or two, and take a bow for my readers no one. I have no one.

Anyways, thanks

*Bows*