Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Failed to Catch 'em All

Fer mai birffday, Paul bought me a round-trip ticket to Johto. Because my Gold version has this problem with completely erasing my game at random moments, I used to play it in short ventures in order to capture whatever was exclusive to it and quickly trade it to my Silver version. Now, this was nearly thirteen years ago. Back then, Who Let the Dogs Out? was still heard regularly on the radio and Digimon: the Movie was still playing in theaters everywhere. On the plus side, it was that same year when we found out about How Tupac Was Murdered. When I told Paul about my Gold version, he took it as a hint to buy me its remake, Pokemon Heartgold. I'm not quite clear on the logic behind his decision. I mean, I did mention I also owned the fully-functioning Silver version of the same game, and this was something from over a decade ago, so... I don't know. Thinking about it now is pointless. I just spent over six months playing this game, instead of reading the next book in the Game of Throne series or finishing Willow on the NES. You done good, Paul.

Moving along, Heartgold is a magnificent recreation of the adventure which led Ethan to become the next greatest Pokemon trainer. This time, however, he has been redesigned to resemble a male protagonist in a Final Fantasy sequel.
Even his outfit now looks like something he borrowed from Lyra's closet.
Whomever you choose, the other becomes a supporting rival of sorts. They cuss at you, flip you the bird, gargle your balls, and then tell you those balls taste like shit because of the lame Pokemon you keep inside of them. Yes, I always felt an ever growing desire to become a better trainer thanks to that person, but then there's Silver. He's the battling rival who dethrones Gary Oak as Douchebag of the Universe with every condescending remark he made about the NPCs he beat and every excuse he tried to feed me when he lost the match. As the player progresses, he learns that Silver is the son of Giovanni, the former leader of the Team Rocket faction in Italy, and is bitter towards both the organization and his father's doting over his younger brother Ezio. While Ezio learned to be an assassin, Silver chose to become a druid and specialized in the Summoning skills. Both were obviously tired of using the initial five classes from the game.

The journey begins in New Bark Town:
With a population of ten people, this place is more like a glorified cul-de-sac.
You go downstairs to be greeted by mom, red-eyed and twitchy, who stops fidgeting long enough in order to hand you your repaired Pokegear and offers to bank a small amount of your winnings. It's best to politely decline her offer. As you will quickly notice, the woman is constantly messing with her nose, scratching her neck, and shaking like a wet puppy... smelling like one, too. She sleeps on the kitchen floor every night and has no problem with her tween going off alone to encounter dangerous wildlife. Rehab doesn't seem to help, either. Then again, all the nurse ever does is have mom sit on a blinking table for five seconds and tells you she's ready to battle. 

As with nearly every Pokemon RPG, you meet with a professor, though not necessarily in his lab, who just so happens to live nearby and just so happens to possess three level-five critters who just so happen to always be fire-, water-, and grass-type Pokemon. Each one is world-renowned in the studies of Pokemon, but, as the many have pointed out, none of them have a clue as to whether you're a girl or boy. On the other hand, I mentioned earlier why this could be justified for HG and SS:

The whole thing plays out in a similar fashion to the originals, but now there's the Battle Frontier, a new Safari Zone set up in Johto, a Pal Park in place of Kanto's Safari Zone, the Pokeathlon Dome, and the game itself comes with the Pokewalker, a pedometer similar to the Pokemon Pikachu, which allows one to capture a handful of Pokemon that are otherwise unobtainable in HG and SS without trading. My gift is a used game, so I have no Pokewalker. I also don't possess any of the newer sequels to trade with Heartgold, so I'm stuck with capturing whatever is available within my game. A while back, I tried to search for information on how many I could catch without outside assistance. The best answer I could find at the time was around 320. I can confidently say that this is false, since I have 363 in my Pokedex and am aware of eight more I could get. In other words, I believe a person would max out with Heartgold at 371, unless they obtained a few through special events or simply hacked the game to get everything. Accomplishing this is frustrating and I don't see a plausible reason  to justify doing it.

The Pokeathlon Dome is an terrific way to obtain necessary evolution items. Points accumulate through quick and simple mini-games that allow a player to purchase what he needs. The alternative (less practical) methods involve the rare generosity of NPC trainers, capturing wild Pokemon, and winning them in the Bug-Catching Contest, which, I might add, LOVES to hand out more of what you already have, rather than what you want. At one point, I was so frustrated with winning yet another fire stone after the bug contest that I took my surplus and began pelting whomever I could. After a while, I got bored with that and began forcing a few Pokemon to evolve against their owner's wishes. All I had to do was have my Onix "accidentally" nail the opponent in the head with a stray piece from his Rock Throw attack. After a while, the trainer would regain consciousness and realize that he was now the proud owner of an Arcanine that only knew Ember, Leer, and Bite. You're welcome!

The Battle Frontier is far less enjoyable. Two of the Pokemon I still need each require 48 battle points (BP) to purchase their required evolution-inducing held items. Ten battles into it, I got a single point. Ten more battles, and I got another point. This will rise at an extremely slow rate with consecutive wins. That's ridiculous! Not only do I need to win several matches, but I must also be patient in order to allow the opponent to say something first, or for certain quirks to occur (such as the roulette of the Battle Arcade), and/or to give my Pokemon a moment to be healed. Nothing seen is recorded in the Pokedex, and the only real joy to be had is in reaching and defeating the brains that represent each facility. The Battle Frontier is an agonizing grind for high-end rewards that feels like punishment for people, such as myself, who didn't spend their money on the other sequels that offered the same items in a much easier fashion.
Sorry, you're not worth it, Gliscor.
Kanto's Safari Zone was a pain in the ass back in 1998. Exeggcute wasn't too much trouble, but then there was Pinsir and Scyther (depending upon your version), Tauros, whose encounter rate fell drastically thanks to Ash Ketchum, and, worst of all, Kangaskhan, who not only scoffs at the pile of Safari Balls you continue to throw at it, but also enjoys smashing your remaining pair of balls with a well-placed Mega Kick, leaving you to suffer in a fetal position until the warden arrives to drag you out of his preserve. I've never experienced the "joys" of Hoenn's and Sinnoh's Safari Zones, but I've certainly had my fill of Johto's little addition to its region. I'll admit that Warden Baoba has put quite a bit of work into this establishment. There are ten interchangeable areas to choose from, and each one will improve its selection over time. These changes are most apparent with the littering of various objects. Thirty "blocks" are permitted for each area, and most of them have an attribute, like being favored by water-dwelling Pokemon. Their effectiveness multiplies every ten days. Unfortunately, there's no reliable in-game means of determining how many days have gone by for an area, even if Baoba will call once in a while to notify you of changes. I only start up the game now and then to check if the Pokemon I need have begun to appear, so when I do get the call, I don't really know how long my Rocky Beach has been sitting there. I'm sure it's going to be a bit longer before I find myself face to face with the critter I still need for my Pokedex.


Yeah, one of these.
Most have a waiting period of a month or less, but the rare ones take up to 110 days. Messing with the clock doesn't help, either. Add to this the frustration of luck-based captures that have always been a part of the Safari Zone, and we have ourselves another push by Game Freak towards buying the other Pokemon games: "All you need to do is just give up and purchase Diamond, Pearl, or Platinum. You want a Gible don'tcha? Well, not only can you get one much faster in the other Generation IV titles, but we'll even throw in additional Gible stuff as a bonus!"


"...like a copy of Ghosts 'n Gibles"

"... a bag of Gibles 'n Bits (now with 30% more dog flavor)"
"... and a DVD copy of the movie What's Gible Grape Eating?"
It's the little changes to these games that really make HG and SS special, such as the nationwide talk & text plan added to my trainer's Pokegear. This includes the phone numbers of all of the gym leaders and literally every other trainer I come across willing to share their digits, as well as unlimited talk, text, and Data!
"I did it! I caught a Spot!"

In fact, just about every minor aspect of Heartgold and Soulsilver has been improved upon. It neither looks nor feels like a simple remake of Generation II. Not only can a person obtain the legendaries of Generation I, but each version also offers one of the eon duo and two of weather trio (provided a person can obtain both Kyogre and Groudon to summon Rayquaza). To make things even better, if you unintentionally knock one of these legendary (or special) Pokemon out, it can actually respawn after a victory against the Elite Four. And if that wasn't enough, beating Red allows you to choose one of the Kanto starters from Professor Oak, and then one of the Hoenn starters from Steven Stone, who will also trade you a Beldum (which evolves into one of the most powerful non-legendary Pokemon in the series) so that you don't have to waste your time trying to catch one in the shitastic Safari Zone. This more than compensates for the Battle Frontier.

Usually, I don't feel a need to buy something "remastered" if I already have the original, but, for the most part, Heartgold feels like a brand new game. Also, for some odd reason, Soulsilver actually received a slightly higher rating. 

Probably because it had more banthas added to it.

Unfortunately, I must end this on a sad note. Budget cutbacks forced Game Freak to replace Dude with Ethan and Lyra as the ones to train the player on how to capture Pokemon. Here are his final words:
"My life no longer serves a purpose. By the time you read this, I will have left this world. Please, do not cry for me. After all, I was only another faceless person in the crowd to begin with." ~ Dude
1999 - 2009