Wednesday, May 03, 2017

You Will Be Missed (for about seven days)

In hopes of playing Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors 2 (I don't know why), I decided to hook up my RetroDuo to the smaller television in the living room. Before turning it on or inserting a game, I merely plugged in the console and was greeting, first, with a loud hum, followed by a pop, and, lastly, a trail of smoke from the NES outlet. Turning the system on only causes it to hum now. Games don't play. The light doesn't work. R.O.B. is out killing all humans. It's just me staring at Fabio Lanzoni dressed as Kuros and wishing I had some real butter.
Well, he's no Kevin Sorbo, but then, who is?
The RetroDuo wasn't a great system, and the controllers constantly tried to make me go left, which is a major no-no when it comes to classic gaming...
Two P. or not Two P?
I believe the real question is"'Why didn't you pick Mike Motherfuckin' Haggar?"
...but it was affordable, and I own plenty of functional cartridges to use with it. I even bought a few more, including Legendary Wings, the game I was playing prior to moving the console to the living room. Ha! While typing that, I realized that the RetroDuo died in the living room... get it? Yeah, well, fuck you, too! I thought that was chuckleworthy. Asshole.

Currently, I am unable to bring myself to properly bury this clone console. I certainly don't possess the knowledge necessary to fix it. Instead, I went online and purchased the Hyperkin RetroN5, which will arrive in about a week (hopefully). By then, I believe I will be able to move on with my (non-existent) life, but, for now, a moment of silence for the RetroDuo.

Feel free to shitpost in the comments section below (especially about emulators). It's what the RetroDuo would have wanted.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Paul thoughts a something (and I helped!)

I told a friend I'd post whatever he wanted to type about on my blog, and would even do my semi-darnedest to provide pictures to help break up the content into manageable pieces. If anyone other than me reads this, then, by all means, share your thoughts.

"A coworker asked me a question this week, and I thought it was a good one.  So, in the spirit of what's on the internet I decided to write about it.


Question:  Excluding "The Lion King", what are your top three Disney animated films?


A little explanation and a couple rules are necessary.  "The Lion King" is widely believed to be the best animated film from Disney.  That isn't true for everyone, just the ones that took part in the initial conversation.  Leaving off the best, what comes to mind next? I'll be going past three because it might be fun.


RULES:

1. Pixar will not be included due to Disney buying them in 2006.  This excludes some of Pixar's best work, therefore all Pixar films will be left off.
2. The only films considered will be ones theatrically released. This excludes direct-to-video sequels and films as well.

On to the list!

Beauty and the Beast (1991)
This was the first animated film to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar at the Academy Awards. It also included the landmark use of computer effects in what has become the most famous from the film, the ballroom dance. And Alan Menken's score has reached classic status. If someone says the first lines from any of these songs how long does it take you to get to the songs: "Gaston", "Tale as Old as Time", "Be Our Guest"? I'm willing to bet that didn't take long.
Sleeping Beauty (1959)
This falls under the category of "an oldie but a goody".  In fact it's great.  From the days when animation was art (which is to say computers weren't involved), the backdrops the scenes took place on were actually painted by hand. The characers were animated in cells, by hand.

The story itself is a classic that birthed the most widely known Disney villain, Maleficent. It also inspired an irrational fear of spinning wheels in generations of viewers. Way to go, House of Mouse.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
While this is not a particularly good adaptation of a French classic, it is still a great film. The animation quality is fluid and has that flair found only in '90's Disney films. It also acts as a pretty dark look at the psyche's of the characters.  One interpretation has the film taken literally. This means that when Quasimodo sees the talking gargoyles, he is hallucinating. And when Frollo sings one of the most iconic villain songs and all the images of cardinals and fires start coming up, he is illustrating his own mental delusions. He's also proving that a man his age has a fantastic set of pipes.
Fantasia (1940)
This is the definition of artistry in film.  Revolving around the concept of taking classical music and animating around them, this film was not only a chance to expose people to music that they might not have heard, but it also acted as a chance for the animators at the time to stretch their creative muscles (so to speak).  Some of the sketches tried to include brief stories, while some were purely abstract animations that followed the time of the music. The last words on this film are simply: "Night on Bald Mountain" and "The Sorcerer's Apprentice". Enough said.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
The one that started it all. This was Disney's first theatrically released animated film. The story is cliche and many of the tropes found in it are sexist by today's standards, but the style of rotoscoping almost the entire film was a technical feat for the time.  Also, I might have mentioned that this was the very first one.  Without it there would be no list.
The Rescuers (1977)
This film was my first exposure to the idea of government.  Admittedly it was a U. N. style body operated by small mammals, but it was still a bureaucratic system used for the greater good of other people, namely the kidnapped little girl.  And remember when I mentioned that these films were pieces of art?  The end credits for this one qualifies. It also has a mouse hiccuping fire after he drinks moonshine and a woman with two pet alligators. What's not to love?
The Little Mermaid (1989)
In addition to the stellar music work with songs like "Part of Your World" and "Kiss the Girl", this film gives viewers an idea of what it might look like to live under the sea.  The animation effects are superb when other sea creatures are involved. It gets a little stale once Ariel moves onto land, until "Kiss the Girl" happens and the quality jumps back up. It also has probably the most well known "sexy bit" in a Disney film. I'm looking at you Minister! (It's actually his leg, and this can be easily proven when the minister is seen from a different angle. On the other hand, we still have the castle from the original cover.)

That's my list! If you found it interesting then respond with one of your own.  My rules don't

have to apply to you so be free about it!  And above all, have fun!"

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Four in February 2017 - Falling, Feasting, Floating, and Full-Frontal

Cutting it kinda close this year with my Four in February challenge, though I blame that on a friend's recommendation to watch Darker than Black and Tokyo Ghoul. I won't go so far as to label them as exceptional, but both did provide a fair amount of action to keep me entertained just long enough to become disappointed with their endings. I immediately became worried when I first saw the recycled animation of Suo activating her contractor power, and that feeling returned when I realized that the second season of Tokyo Ghoul was about every 'other' character with Kaneki only being relevant for the first and last episodes. Had I been warned not to bother with the other halves of these shows, I could have spent that time making this post a more enjoyable read. That's a lie, of course. This post will be shit no matter how much I work on it, so there's my warning to you at least... a simple courtesy somebody didn't think to give me! *shakes fist angrily at an empty tea jug* Why are you out of tea?!
So, the first game I tackled was Downwell, and this was a recent purchase from... wait. 2015? I've had this on my account for that long? What the fuck is wrong with my memory? Ok, so I know I bought Downwell during a winter sale, because... purchase history, but also because I didn't even know of this game's existence until I checked through the Discovery Queue. That little tool does too good of a job of separating me from my money. It reminded me of Newgrounds favorites, like Toss the Turtle and Goin Up, except the opposite, and I assumed I would start in on it immediately. I also assumed I bought this last December. I need to stop assuming shit.
Downwell is a GameMaker Studio creation heavily inspired by Spelunky, and was the result of Ojiro Fumoto utilizing the game-a-week strategy for effectively practicing development without the worry of overwhelming oneself with unrealistic goals. It's similar to the Four in February challenge, and is highly recommended for amateur developers, musicians, artists, and writers. Typing of which, I really need to get back into daily practicing on my tablet. That thing won't draw MS Paint atrocities on its own, after all. 
The concept is easy enough to understand. Your character has weaponized kicks and a body that's immune to fall damage. Some enemies can be stomped, others must be shot, and the convenient bunch die either way. Thanks to a limited color scheme (along with numerous palette swaps to unlock), enemies are visibly distinguished to help streamline the experience... most of the time.
Welcome to (the palette of) Hell!
Initially, players will take their time by hopping from one platform to the next in order to reload and plan out a strategy. Early on, it's not a terrible idea. You get an enemy chasing you from above, and shit becomes frantic. Soon enough, a player should be able to pick up the pace, and get through a run in under half an hour. It probably won't be a successful run, but that's fine. You'll die plenty, and when you've got a rhythm going, a single disruption will commonly lead to three or three more, resulting in a sudden death during an otherwise flawless drop.
Collecting gems quickly enough will increase your firepower.
Within each stage are caves that provide you with gems, gun upgrades (with added ammo or health), and shops, while finishing a stage will also provide you with a random selection of unique upgrades to choose from. If that's not enough, chaining a combo of 8 to 25 kills will provide you with yet more gems, ammo, and health. This also means you'll want to reset that combo as soon as you reach 25, since there's really only a pair of achievements to look forward to after that.

Downwell's soundtrack is unsettling, especially when you look over the song list. It's certainly not the kind of music one would expect from such an action-oriented experience. Water is found midway into the fall, rather than at the bottom, the shopkeeper is a Jizō (a being commonly associated with the gates of Hell), and your reward for reaching the end would have absolutely no chance of actually being there considering what you just went through. It leaves a curious mind to wonder, doesn't it?

There's really not much more to this game. It's simple, yet challenging fun. After several playthroughs, I do have a few tips to share if you give a shit. If not, skip on down to the next game. I don't care.

As far as upgrades go, my advice is to get Knife and Fork, since you'll want to have as much health as possible for the last fight, Gem Powered and Gem Attractor to provide a near-endless supply of ammunition, and the pair of Popping Gems and Gunpowder Blocks to stop the more troublesome enemies chasing you from above. Drone support helps tremendously near the end of the game, too.

I prefer to use the Arm Spin Style, because shop items become increasingly expensive, despite minor changes in their benefits, and are also randomized. By the time you come across a shop while utilizing this style, you'll more likely have enough gems to actually purchase something.
Learn to use all the weapons, even Burst, simply because it's a waste to ignore the gun module bonuses, but when you're nearing the end, try to hang onto the laser. It tears right through the final boss.

If you manage to ignore all the caves up until you reach the entrance to the final boss, there will be a delicious prize waiting for you. 
My next choice had everything to do with music and colors. It also featured an achievement about beating the game with all the visuals, which made me curious. I don't commonly view Pac-Man as a game one actually "beats." It's like Tetris. Even when I maxed out my score on the DS version, I never actually won. It just kept going until I lost.That's how I view a traditional Pac-Man title. So, after seeing that achievement's description, alongside these amazing (and a little blurry) visuals, I chose it as my second game of the month.

Pac-Man Championship Edition DX+ is a whole lot of fun. Rather than merely clearing a maze of its pellets, you must guide Pac through outlined paths with sleeping ghosts that block off routes until you wake them up. What follows is a fast-paced game of Snake offset by sudden slow-motion warnings of collision that do a fair job of throwing the player into a panic. Finding a power pellet while fleeing from one of these Benny Hill rainbows will create an exceptionally rewarding chain reaction, encouraging the player to make far riskier decisions later. Why are you so happy? It was only fifty ghosts in a row. I know you can do a lot better than that!

Separately, I would never recommend purchasing the DLC, since most of it is merely cosmetic. Either pick up the base game at $10, or chip in an additional Lincoln for the whole package at $15. If that's still too rich for you, Humble Bundle will commonly offer it at a much better deal, so keep a look out on it. It's the best variation of Pac-Man I've ever played, and I highly recommend the soundtrack, as well.

Third on the list was provided by a co-worker, who knew me well enough to bundle it with the OST. Thank you Adam. You're as generous as you are sexy.

I chose Bastion after looking at a single screenshot and reading that it was a quick game to finish. That's it. Hey, I got roughly a week to finish each of these, so it's best I don't go diving into something like FF9.
Bastion is Supergiant Games's first impression, and, man, is it a strong one.
It had also been a while since I last enjoyed a good isometric adventure, and I figured I had better rectify that. (Personal favorites of mine include Super Mario RPGMega Man Battle Network 2, Biker Mice from Mars, General CHAOS, Rock n' Roll Racing, and Starcraft. Betcha didn't realize how many great games came out of this perspective, did ya?)

Bastion plays in a similar fashion to Diablo, especially during moments where swarms of enemies come rushing towards you. Too bad it also mimics a lackluster combat system trying to compensate with a wide variety of button mashing options to choose from.


As you move about, the floor will form under your feet, creating all sorts of glorious scenery throughout the game. This also helps the player to figure out which way to go. If that's not enough, Rucks, a narrator vying for the coveted Tachiki award for outshining the protagonist, will frequently toss out bits of advice on what the player should be doing at certain points in the game. He'll also comment on everything else you do in the game, along with stuff you don't do, and on stuff you'll try doing again. The man talks a lot. It's wonderful.


Bastion tells a great story, though not a particularly deep one, supports its visuals with a soft, hand-painted style, and possesses a relatively high replay value thanks to New Game Plus, a score attack mode, and ten punishing gods willing to change the experience from casual to Kaizo (or anywhere in between) at your leisure. I ran through it twice, and I had planned on a third go to obtain the achievement for the Score Attack Mode, but I didn't really have time to start over at level one with no weapon upgrades. After this, I might go back into it. Of course, I rather give my final game a second chance, since I kinda sorta rushed through it and missed some of the good stuff. Some of that gud shit. Some of that real guuuuuud shit. That guuuuuuuuuuu... moving on.
My final selection was chosen due to my interest in Greek mythology. I mean, I like mythology in general, but I have a particular fondness for the Greek and Roman beliefs. The unique presentation made the decision that much easier to make, as well.
See that, folks? Alientrap clearly didn't want to deal the same nonsense The Witcher 3 had to suffer through.
Apotheon centers around a typical Greek narrative. Nikandreos was watching Ares perform on So You Think You Can Slaughter All The Non-Believers While Dancing? when, all of a sudden, shit hit the fan and some of that shit splattered on an old vase. Fearing the smell and wishing not to be near the mess, all the gods have abandoned the pottery, leaving mankind illustrations to fend for themselves. Meanwhile, in the painted land of Dion, a bunch of mooks have decided to play the role of tutorial stage for the sake of plotting an excuse to have Hera, Zeus's angrier half and arch-nemesis of Kevin Sorbo, grant Nicodemus magical rat powers capable of flying to Mount Olympus to slay furniture, hanging food, random pedestrians, Hera's family, rodents (apparently, Mount Olympus also suffers from an ordinary rat problem), and the Greek plow, because your boy is just too ill to be moved right now.
In Metroidvanian fashion, Nickelodeon can freely explore most areas at any time, but is conveniently provided with markers to help guide players wishing to progress, rather than wander around like clueless fucking idiots, which is the norm for similar titles and why I don't particularly care for the subgenre.
Boss battles are surprisingly entertaining. 
Nickleback can wield a wide assortment of weapons, traps, shields, and crafted items, which you'll cycle through quickly as they fall apart during combat, and there are a handful of places with a considerable amount of charm to keep you hooked.
...or totally confused.
I absolutely love the voice acting, and greatly appreciate the inclusion of various excerpts from classical works that help to educate players about the different beings they will be encountering throughout the game.

Unfortunately, Apotheon isn't without its flaws. Among them, the most obnoxious would be controlling Nickiminaj himself. He is a such a fucking pain in the ass to use when you really need to be precise. The game also suffers from a few bugs and will even periodically crash, but, since there's an auto-save feature in place, that's really more of an inconvenience than a game breaker.

If you wish to explore the entirety of the game, make sure not to bother with Zeus a second time. You got his power now, so go show it off to the rest of Mount Olympus that isn't underwater. 
I never came across any large, terrifying sea life in the game,
but the boats certainly creeped me out.
Of the bunch, I'd have to choose Bastion as my favorite. It should be Apotheon, and that might change if I make the effort to check out the rest it has to offer (there are gods you can skip entirely), but I type of going back to play games all the time. Chances are, I won't bother, and if I don't, I probably won't care, either. My mountain of must-play titles is so tall now, I can't even see the top of it anymore, and I'm still sitting here pondering whether or not I should stare at the ground some more. **Update: I just spent my entire day off posting nonsense on Newgrounds and earning every achievement on this game. The Aphrodite fight is rather comical.** 

Anywho, did you manage to complete your Four in February? Did you even bother? If so, did you discover a game you feel is worth recommending? Is anyone actually bothering to read this? *looks around* Sigh, fuck it. I'm going to bed. 

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Games Done Quick 2017

From Sunday afternoon to Saturday night, the Awesome Games Done Quick event managed to raise $900,000 in charity for the Prevent Cancer Foundation. In one day... in ONE FUCKING DAY... the total blew past two million dollars and shot up another $70,000 immediately after that. All of this happened before the main event even began. Hell, as I'm typing this, the damned total won't stop rising long enough to decide on the winning name for the Fallen Child of Undertale. Toby Fox, by the way, personally donated ten grand towards "Bepis". Regardless, "Wubby" is just too far ahead to lose. It's worth noting Namco Bandai's contributions included a raffle for a Dark Souls III pack at $125. If you're curious as to what came with that pack, well...

Dark Souls III Day One Edition (PS4)
- 1x 15.5" Lord of Cinders Statue (~$400)
- Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2 (PS4)
- God Eater 2: Rage Burst Day One Edition (PS4)
- God Eater 2 Fleece-Lined Hoodie (Event Promo Only); x1 each; sizes L and XL
- God Eater 2 Leather Jacket (Promo only; only 10 in existence, ~$1,400); size L
- Sword Art Online: Hollow Realization Collector's Edition (~$120; PS4)
- One Piece: Burning Blood Collector's Edition (~$100; PS4)
- Tales of Xillia Collector's Edition (~$120; PS4)
- Tales of Zestiria Limited Edition Retro Keychain Set
- Tales of Zestiria (PS4)
- Tales of Zestiria Artbook
- Teepo Plushie
- Rollo Plushie
- Ni No Kuni Wizard's Companion

To no one's surprise, there were A LOT of $125 donations.

Another contributing factor always involves the most popular bid war for opting to either save or kill the trapped animals of Super Metroid. That typically earns well over $200,000 ($793,706 for this particular night), as many will throw several $1000 - $10,000 bids all within the run itself. This speaks nothing of the numerous smaller donations that are read aloud all week long towards that bid war. If you're ever curious to check out one of these two events each year, that's likely to become the one confusing aspect of it, so here's your explanation now.

The other factor for this year's AGDQ is that Undertale is the main event, and people have donated shit-tons of money towards bid wars involving whether or not to spare the true pacifist and genocide bosses. I can't remember a single game having this sort of positive effect on the audience, and the only reason it was never showcased before now involved Toby Fox's direct refusal to allow for spoilers. For those who still lump this game together with the fanbase and label it all as cancer, this sort of generosity not only proves otherwise, but considering where the money goes, and the continued reaction of the Twitch chat as the speedrun progresses, the label is about as wrong as wrong can be. Hell, Everdraed, the programmer who specifically assisted Toby Fox with the Photoshop Flowey battle actually called in during the run to express how amazed he was at the response towards the inclusion of this game.

As things have finally slowed down (I'm actually flipping between this and watching the run itself), the tracker has managed to reach $2,100,000. The most GDQ had ever brought in prior to tonight was under $1,600,000. The runner, TGH, is actually a replacement for Kaizen, who recently learned that he, too, has cancer and felt it was important to step down from participating. He, did, however, called in during the run to express his gratitude for the love and support shown tonight.

By the way, everyone in the crowd and on the Twitch chat is chanting "Hug the goat!" as I type this, and at that very moment when he did, the tracker surpassed $2.2 million. If that wasn't enough, another $13,000+ in donations accumulated as things wrapped up with the final boss of the genocide run being allowed to peacefully rest, as I really need to do now, considering I have work in a mere three hours.

Overally, yeah, I'm trying to sell you on the game again. If you haven't played Undertale by now, then what the ever-loving fuck is wrong with you? More importantly, however, is that this is my little part in trying to encourage you all to participate in future GDQ events. They are typically held on January and July, last all week long, and are further supported with deals on shirts, baubles, and video games from an assortment of sponsors. It's amazing to see somebody fly through a game of Donkey Kong Country in under an hour or Super Mario Galaxy in under three. I highly recommend it, so, if possible, take the week off, donate what little you can afford, and help spread the word about all the good video games can do. ...or call me an emotional little bitch. I'm fine with that.

Either way, have a good night, unless you're reading this during the day. Then, uh, accept a generic "thank you" from me, instead. I don't know. I'm tired.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Fallout from the Switch Presentation?

Thursday night was the presentation of the Nintendo Switch. I'm fairly certain it was directed by Toei Animation, since it played out like an episode of One Piece. The thing was an hour long, but half of it was a combination of what we had learned through previous announcements and the reveal trailer.

For starters, Switch was said to contain the DNA of all the previous systems, like shoulder buttons and a joystick. Yeah, while that's all technically true, having to mention it in such a lengthy manner was completely pointless. This occurred again in a cringy skit near the end with the revealing of Zelda's release date. Here, we see the game's creator, director, and Nintendo's biggest meme responding with, "I don't know the release date. Ask this guy!" "Oh, I can't answer that, either. Why not ask that guy?"
/facepalm
Then we're sent back to the stage, which follows into another trailer of the game. Fanatics of the series were overjoyed to see new footage, though a handful bitched about the English voice acting. Then we got to see the big reveal - Zelda is a launch title. *inhales* Yeah, I thought that was obvious. Didn't you think that was obvi... wait, nevermind. You're probably not here with me right now. I'm too lazy to turn around and check. If it wasn't, what would that have left us with, huh? Skylanders, Just Dance, and an uninteresting variation of Wii Sports? That trailer, too, by the way, was stretched out in the beginning. Within seconds, we got it. We understood what was going on, but, still, we had to sit through a western-styled gun duel that took roughly ninety seconds to finish. Ninety fucking seconds to finish. That's an awful lot of build up for reiterating motion control gaming, and, after a series of other dumb examples, the only thing we can take away from all of this is that you now look at the other player, rather than at a screen.
Why was this necessary? Were screens even an issue among gamers?
When people create these things, do they actually tell the actors, "Hey, really ham it up, guys! That'll totally convince the viewers that this isn't cheap and terrible to play!" The vast majority don't fall for that shit anymore, so stop it. If anything, seeing that sort of window dressing will raise more flags than the tired concept itself.

What bothered me the most about this presentation is how elementary the explanation for the system became, especially involving the joy-cons.We can see the buttons and joysticks. We know how they work. The rumble feature has been around for a few decades now. Look, the reveal was heavily praised, because it told consumers everything without talking. Here, it's the complete opposite, and a viewer had to wade a whole bunch uh nuthin' just to get a few morsels of something fresh. Way to hold my attention, Nintendo. Even if this is directed at investors or whomever might not have seen the reveal video back in October, one could imagine they can look at this thing and figure out how to use it for themselves. If not, link them the friggin' video! It's still there, and on the same channel as this presentation. Why would they even want to invest in something if they don't know the basics about it already?
Thank goodness we can now count how many cubes of ice are dropped into a virtual glass of water.
Welcome to the future, folks.
I'm glad region locking isn't a thing with Switch. I really didn't care, but I've read enough whining from those who do, and it's primarily by those who see the Japanese version of anything to be superior, even when the only difference is the language, and, frankly, that should just be an expected option nowadays for players to change at will... except through indie titles, of course. Limited budget, and such. All I want from them is a functional experience. Super Comboman is currently not doing that for me, but having just finished Hotline Miami 2, my tolerance for pain at this moment is fairly high, so bring on the softlocks and iffy controls, you lousy, fuckin' sticker-collecting platformer.

Battery life and pricing were important for many, and I was a little curious, but it wasn't going to affect my decision all that much. (I seldom leave my home, and I never expect this stuff to be cheap.) If the lowest is going to be two and a half hours of power, then I'll typical plan for that on all games. I'm guessing the six-hour limit pertains to classic titles, which will be available as freebies each month through a paid online service. I'm fine with that. Others are not, but that same crowd believes all video games should cost $5, so it's best to ignore their existence.

At $300, I'm fine with the initial cost for the console. I'll likely want an additional controller, and that's another $70, $80, along with $90 for another dock. By the time I actually have a desire to own the thing, it'll probably drop in price anyhow. If not, I won't complain. I'm sure Nintendo will deserve it by the time Mario hits the shelves. Typing of which, there's games. Not a lot of them, but stuff is in the works.


Mario Kart 8 is being ported and bringing the world of Splatoon along for the race. There's also Dry Bones and the feather item, if you care. I don't, but since I never bought the game for my Wii U, this will be on my short list of purchases.
Another obvious choice is Super Mario Odyssey, where Bowser and Mario are traveling around the globe in spiffy hats. I get some first-season JoJo vibes from Boswer's little Speedwagon attack, and one can only hope that Mario's sentient cap is less obnoxious than FLUDD. Granted, I didn't mind the thing. Sunshine is my favorite of the Mario titles, after all (with SMB2 being a close second), so I must like FLUDD at a subconscious level. When it was first shown during the Switch's reveal, I was really hoping Mario was traversing the realm of Samba de Amigo, and that the premise involved him in the world of Sega's library of gems. Yeah, I know. Ha-ha. Fuck you. Let me dream... preferrably in NiGHTS.
Already saw an awful lot of mocking in ARMS's direction, but I'm a fan of quirky one-on-one titles. Plus, Ribbon Girl will certainly inspire a superfluous amount of porn, so there's that to look forward to. I'm not a fan of blondes, so I'll have to settle for whatever it was recently made about Mario and his sentient cap. (Yeah, that's a thing.)
I do believe I've seen this combination of Puyo and Tetris before, but I welcome it all the same. This is especially because I don't currently own a previous version of it, though I do have some variation of both separately. Plenty of different Tetris games, and I actually have the best version of Puyo Pop. I should be content, but this is far more eye-catching, and I'm all about that excessive use of colors.
Puyo Pop at its dankest.
As far as Tetris goes, I imagine every version is the best, so long as it doesn't deviate from the seven tetriminos, and isn't an abysmal mess, like that atrocity Tetris Ultimate was by Ubisoft. Seriously, how does one mess that up? You'd have to actually put time and money into achieving such a feat. Alternatively, I guess one could be like EA and charge a monthly fee to play it, but let's hope none of that nonsense worms its way into this collaboration prior to the release.
Konami is releasing something that might actually qualify as a playable video game. I wish I could type that it couldn't get any worse than Act Zero, but this is Konami, and I'm sure they'll find some way to disappoint me and all the other hopefuls awaiting more information on Super Bomberman R. Now, a moment of silence for Hudson Soft.
You will always bee in our hearts, Hudson. Much love. Such Bonk.
There's a handful of JRPGs making their way to the console... Dragon Quest. Shin...Chan? I don't know. I don't care. Also, Fire Emblem is taking over for Zelda in the form of Dynasty Warriors. As long as Hector and Amelia are available, I'll be happy.
I may not like blondes, but I do love seeing an unstoppable tank single-handedly wipe out an entire army with brute force.
While I won't be touching any of this March 3rd, it will maybe be interesting to see how launch plays out. I'm guessing there will be unjustifiable shortages and a Youtube subscription feed littered with Zelda gameplay and impressions. Won't matter to me, since I have plenty to finish on Steam right now, and Wii U games still in their wrap. Actually, I also own brand new copies of Wii and Gamecube games still in their plastic covers. I am so far behind.

In other news that nobody cares about, I finished Fallout 4 and its DLC. Not everything, but I did manage 70 of the 84 achievements, so that isn't bad. Bethesda did a better job of cobbling this one together, as I was able to start the game immediately after downloading it.
Don't kid yourself! There are still plenty of bugs.
He was like this when I fast traveled here and completely disappeared once I entered the ship. This weird shit happens.
Fallout 4 managed to do the improbable by being a relatively stable experience, even with its own programming issues, and only about a fifth of its quests would glitch out and require an override through the console. In fact, the only major problems I found involved using the interface for customizing settlements, and the strong lack of personality from the base game. Everyone outside of your companions is negligible. At no point did I care to learn more about anyone who wasn't offering a perk as a reward. Even the game's DJ, Travis, is an unlikable shit.
"Hey. Uh I mean, I mean. Hi... again. Uh... hi? Hiii..."
(He won't be missed.)
You can boost his confidence, or have him replaced with an arrogant brat. Either way, you won't feel compelled to listen to the radio. Three Dog, he ain't.

As many have stated before, Fallout 4 is a far prettier experience, and the combat is fantastic, but it's more of a FPS than an RPG, and if you're not playing survival mode, then you're not really going to care about what happens as a result of your actions. I didn't. For example, I became a part of the Brotherhood of Steel.
Stay strong, squire.
Then, I killed'em all, except for Danse. He won't talk to me anymore.

After that, I became the leader of the Institute.
And there it is! Take a picture!
I found more joy in the DLC of Far Harbor and learning about Valentine's past, or, at least, until I had to do a series of tower defense, Minecraft-like quests.
Hope you like blue!
(I greatly dislike blue.)
The Mechanist DLC offers up the enjoyable opportunity to battle goofy-looking machines alongside Ada, a customizable companion who went apeshit as I was exploring the Mechanist's hideout.
Note: All these pictures of Ada are while standing in the same spot. 
Not only did Ada spaz out and fly around the place, she/it went headfirst into the Mechanist as we were reaching a peaceful understanding and caused the NPC to go hostile. On the plus side, I got a new settlement (because I really cared about all the other ones I won't bother to defend), and a new costume for my companions to share.
I made Cait wear this throughout Nuka-World.
Nuka-World was my last stop, and while I enjoyed the festive change in scenery, I zoomed through each park and guzzled soda throughout the entire thing. There's an achievement for collecting 100,000 tickets, and it's easy to do, but, really, why? You can also customize a group of raiders to take over your own settlements, because everyone likes taking over settlements (again).

Yeah, this review is just a half-assed excuse to post screenshots, but many tell me they only look at the pictures anyhow, so this is for you bunch of losers. I can call you "losers" because you won't read this anyhow. Look, here's another picture featuring a pile of teddy bears and bullets!
I'm a post-apocalyptic Santa Claus bringing joy to The Commonwealth. 
If you were wondering, Prime does make a return in Fallout 4, but I never got to see him in action... because I killed the folks rebuilding him. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "Oh well!"

Overall, this is going to appeal to the gun nuts, modders, and the RPers who are just going to kill everything, change everything, or conjure up their own story. Not so much to people like me who were hoping for a similar experience to what made Fallout 3 and New Vegas amazing. Granted, I know there are plenty of those who love being able to build their own vault and various bases, but doing so is frustrating. It really is a shitty interface, and Bethesda ought to feel embarrassed for it. Plus, Preston will never stop bugging you about them. The only real benefit I found was in setting up several shops, because vendors never seemed to have enough caps to pay out for all the crap I had accumulated during my travels.


Lastly, here's my character and wasteland waifu, Sumbich.
I don't actually indulge in the idea of a waifu, but I do like making female characters and naming them Sumbich. It amuses me, cause I'm immature, and the structure of this post would infuriate an English professor, but, hey, why read this when there's one more picture to look at, instead?
Give her drugs. Discover your future.
Happy New Year everyone, and good luck to those of you also in participating the upcoming Four in February. So far, I've only decided upon Bastion. I have roughly half a month left to figure out the other three. Wish me luck, or read this after February and not think about it anymore.

Keep your expectations low, people. I'm pretty sure 2017 is going to suck as much as 2016, if not more.