Saturday, October 18, 2014

From the people who brought you Living Peninsula comes... something else.

I'm excited, and do you care to know why? (of course you don't) Because it's that time again for delicious candy corn, fun decorations, colorful costumes, and all sorts of scary stuff!
Like jump scares! ...lazy, fucking jump scares.
This year, I decided to celebrate in a different manner by skipping AMC's empty shell of a Monsterfest and indulge in a few video games of the Horror genre. Not surprisingly, I chose the wrong one to start with.

Back in 2006, I thought it would be appropriate to spend my week-long vacation on the tropical island of Banoi, because that's what antisocial people who work minimum wage jobs do with their free time. After two glasses of local tap water, I was carried back to my room covered in shit and vomit. When I awoke the next morning, I discovered it was now late 2011, and many of the other visitors had been afflicted with a severe case of pink eye and chicken pox. There was also a lot of blood and flesh splattered about, but I just assumed it was due to a sloppy mass murderer. The job was clearly half-assed. Look at all of them still up and moving around!
What sort of a murderer misses all the vital points?
It's a good thing I slept through this mess. With my eyes closed, I was completely immune to the disease. Also, most of my body was hidden under a blanket, so the murderer probably thought I was nothing more than a severed head and moved on to the next room.

Feeling lucky, I strolled out into the hallway only to notice the money in my wallet had been swiped. Probably stolen by the guy who carried me back to my room five years ago. Now covered in the stench of poverty, and five-year-old poop stains, I attempted to secretly flee the hotel only to be tackled by one of the staff members. Fearing I'd "drown" of debt from that point on, I was swiftly rescued by Sinamoi, a lifeguard and Tyson tattoo enthusiast. He then bit my ear. From here on out, I spent several weeks (93 hours) trekking back and forth through the Capital Wasteland of Banoi as a lolicon-hating bodyguard and former officer of the Australian law. I died repeatedly.

While I admit "nice tits" was a strong determining factor, my character choice was also based upon a more respectable excuse. Purna's specialty is firearms, so I figured she would be the best choice for a zombie game. Makes sense, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?! Not in this game, and especially not in Act I. Also, it turns out I chose the damned supportive character. I should have assumed this when I saw her Diablo talent tree handing out Paladin auras to teammates. As if I needed to further prove to my blog reader(s) of how clueless I am, I also never noticed the fourth choice, Sam B., on the character screen. I saw him for the first time during a cut scene. How? Because, at those moments, I am accompanied by the other three. Makes total sense. Then, they up and vanish once shit hits the fan again. Granted, I had no intention of playing this with others, but it's a little odd to find a Horror game where I am encouraged to bring friends.

Surviving an onslaught of respawning Infected isn't all that different from basic questing on an MMORPG, especially when obtainable loot includes weapons of all rarities and thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars! I really want to know who the hell these people are to be carrying that sort of cash into the slums of Moresby, the middle of the jungle, and cell block C? 
I get it, because he went directly to jail. That still doesn't explain the other two spots.
Nearly all the gameplay factors relating to a Horror title are non-existent here. What exactly is suppose to be scary if I'm not alone, resources are plentiful, the flashlight is never needed, and all the zombies look like the end results of second-rate make-up artists? They're pretty easy to avoid, too.
It doesn't take much to distract them. Sometimes, their kids even do it for you.
The attempts at jump scaring here are obvious. While it is possible to draw attention through gunfire and meat bait, this special bunch will stand still, facing a nearby wall (Blair Witch style!). Approaching them will result in a quick time event to separate yourself from their grasp. Also, though not a jump scare, many of the Infected will lie on the floor in different positions only to pick themselves up when a hero approaches. The first time this really got me was when I tried to walk past a bunch of them and found myself surrounded. I wasn't scared, but I definitely knew I was fucked. Kick everyone you come across, just in case, or lop off their noggins. I usually do that for fun. 

Considering the amount of time I put into this game, it's kind of a letdown to see such a poor variety of enemies: Slow zombies, fast zombies, big zombies, bomb zombies, bloated father zombies, brawler zombies, tank zombies, and gun-wielding hostiles. In the expansion, players are treated to zombies who can scream, throw, drown, and smash, along with stronger boss-like variations of each. The original provides a single boss in the end, and that half-wit is only slightly more effective than Bioshock's Fontaine, unless you score a critical hit with a modified weapon, that is. Bait + bombs, knock down + head stomp, developer modified weapons... if you're lucky, you can actually finish this fight in a ridiculously short amount of time. It's not even a stretch to say the fight can end in mere seconds, provided the player is swift enough to capitalize on that brief moment of vulnerability. I got him once, but was immediately tackled by a flaming Infected who then proceeded to insult my shoes and call me fat. More distracting was Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's PonPonPon playing during the entire fight. White and I share the same awful taste in music. Who knew?

Zombified chidrens and aminaminals are both mentioned, but neither are seen within the game. Children I can understand about. Animals though? while questing through a jungle? Come on, Techland! I wanted to meet the undead orangutan!

There's all sorts of gore (and a disturbing lack of manbearpig) to be witnessed, if that sort of thing frightens/satisfies you. 
Plenty of this.
It helps to create an appropriate atmosphere for the game, but, periodically, I find spots where the amount is so over-the-top that I'm left with this mental image of a guy just dumping buckets of paint and tossing fake organs everywhere, like it's some sort of local haunted house attraction.

I would like to point out something about the survivors vying for the hero's attention. Most of the time, their appearance is more terrifying than the infected. Many won't look directly at you during a conversation, opting, instead, to swing their heads back and forth. If that's not strange enough, the ones curled up on the floor have necks that bend in all directions of wrong while they're talking.
"Money, mods, or weapons! Rape is not a suitable reward!"
There are a few typical locations one would expect to traverse in a zombie game:
When you see it, you'll... not care.
It's an island resort, so don't expect to pussyfoot around a shopping mall or grade school. Instead, questing primarily takes place on the beach, throughout the city, and in the jungle. Within these zones, there are moments where the hero(es) will have to settle matters inside private homes, scurry through a sewer system, retake a police station, and clear out a graveyard. The final act takes place entirely within a prison, though it is no where near as lengthy as the other three. So that the players don't feel cheated, the game compensates with an overabundance of runners, rammers, and thugs who respawn quickly. Enjoy.

Most of the in-game music sucks, especially during Act 2. As one nears a particular type of undead, they'll hear roaring, groaning, screeching, and screaming, along with the sounds of sirens and car crashing. I get it. I'm in a city, but it all blends together poorly into an obnoxious loop of noise. Thankfully, this isn't a problem while exploring the beach or the jungle, so a sudden audible hint of enemies nearby has a much more jarring effect. The main theme isn't half bad, and Sam B.'s Who Do You Voodoo, Bitch? is a terrific addition to any Halloween compilation. That's about it.

The whole thing felt like Fallout 3, minus the crashing and numerous glitches, so it's certainly a better game from a technical perspective. Too bad it lacks a unified area to explore and, unimportantly, a similar degree of charisma to compensate. There's not a lot of interesting Easter eggs to be seen outside of some meme-inspired achievement/challenge names, a few clever quest titles, and a paltry sum of actual in-game references (the bulk of which are just knock-offs intentionally designed to look like real-life products, like "Spirit" imitating Sprite), but I'll give internets where internets are due for the Jenna Jameson zombie tied to the bed and the weapon modification to give myself Wolverine claws. Also, my curiosity got me two of the five colored skulls, though I didn't feel a strong urge to locate the other three, and I only stumbled across one of the alters for them. Still, this, like Fallout, rewards exploration, though I can't imagine that being a good trait during a multiplayer session. Not everyone wants to wait around for others to search through an area, especially if they've played the game longer and have a basic memory of where useful items are generally located.

I may need to go back and try again as one of the other three characters for a better experience, but I'm fairly certain that Purna is the most challenging to work with in a solo playthrough. Xian Mei, typical East Asian hottie with an affinity for swords (surprise surprise), is a glass cannon. Despite what forum polls might say about her, that type is only difficult for beginners. Think of a mage on WoW or Jigglypuff in the original Smash Bros (and, to a lesser extent, SSBM). Learn to exploit that power and it's smooth, enjoyable sailing from there. I won't touch her though, because... fuck swords.

Happy Halloween or Día de Muertos everyone, and make sure to increase your psychic powers before November!

Wave "good-bye" to the readers, Mr. Zombie. 
Sigh, close enough.