1. When you consider how great the graphics have become over the years, it's no surprise to see hot, animated girls in full detail, with their goods jiggling about. Softcore porn, like Dead or Alive Volleyball and Rumble Roses are usually enough to get the typical, girl-deprived gamer going, but for chubby-chasers and others who aim low enough to have likely found a woman desperate enough, they need a bit more than just innuendo. They need games whose whole focus is sexual. Fortunately, they've got games like Playboy: the Mansion, and Singles: Flirt Up Your Life which support decent graphics to render beautiful women, even though I think only Singles really goes the extra mile to show full nudity.
As you can see, the gaming industry has come a long way from it's beginnings with the Atari and its 8-bit games, but so what? A 10-year-old can tell you that sex sells. The real geniuses I'm focusing upon in this entry are those that looked at the Atari and said "Wow! Naked women on this thing would be HOT!" Any sane person would agree that building a sex slave out of LEGOs is almost as stimulating as a real woman, or at least, a sock puppet with marbles glued to it. Yes, it was the "in your face" bad attitude of these developers that resulted in classics like Custard's Revenge and Beat'em and Eat'em which pushed the boundaries of the gaming industry back then, just as Rockstar and GTA is doing today with their mini-game Hot Coffee; a game so sexy that it led many to having calluses on their right hands! I know it's hard to believe that a system as old as the Atari could ever attain such a graphic degree of adult entertainment, but they did, and here's the proof:
Can you honestly tell me that this doesn't excite you?
2. Playing video games is a great way to relieve stress, stir up healthy competition, activate the imagination, and simply provide a great deal of fun. The only way to make video games even more fun is to turn them into your own tangible escape from reality! This is why I consider the next greatest idea in the world of gaming to be the brilliant merchandising!
Think about it like this: If you're a video gamer, you want to show your love for the games and developers you like most. If you're not, seeing these tokens of gaming appreciation on somebody else makes it easier on you when figuring out who to make fun of, exclude from social gatherings, and basically torture for the rest of their lives. It's a win-win situation! Of course, just making shirts and hats of our favorite video games isn't the brilliant idea, it's everything else! Don't worry, I wouldn't make such a grand statement without proof. Once you see some of the products that these mascots sponsor, it will become blantantly obvious as to why these sorts of marketing gems are deserving of being on the list of greatest ideas of all time.
You've got toys:
Like the Giant-Headed, Remote-Controlled Donkey Kong Kart Racer!Your children will scream for joy, or possible out of fear, when they open the box and see DK's huge face staring off into oblivion.
Then there's a whole assortment of plush toys, each one more cuddly and adorable than the last, but none are as enjoyable as the gang from Tekken! Well, not Yoshimitsu. He is sold out. Watch as your child plays with the fighters, re-creating his favorite match-ups that don't include Yoshimitsu, and then, after 20 minutes,
quickly becomes bored with them and moves on to playing with the plush toys of Soul Calibur. It's just like playing the video games! Of course, you can find Heihachi Mishima in both fighting series, but everybody knows the Playstation version of Soul Calibur 2 is the worst one! Nobody likes Heichy, and I bet it's because his hair looks like that of a balding troll doll.In keeping with the children demographic, another mind-blowning product was created:
The Nintendo Cereal System is the granddaddy of gaming merchandise greatness! Utilizing the shapes of not one, but two Nintendo masterpieces, the Nintendo Cereal System is to breakfast what beer is to every other meal (and breakfast). It's so great, even Link and Mario endorse it's SUPER! taste. You're right, Link! The Nintendo Cereal System has INDEED rescued breakfast. And remember, if you can't beat'em, eat'em. Oh man, it rhymes! That's BRILLIANT!
Ok, calm down. Good. Now, it's not like everything related to video games was made for children. I mean, there's...
Perfect for anyone wanting to learn the beautiful language of Japanenglish."Well, I had much hateness for my poor talks, but with the great mustard of Fawful Phonics, I am knowing my words will no longer be in expensing humor!"
There's also... ZANGROIDS!
3. Mike Haggar
Considered by many (just me) as being the greatest idea for a video game character ever conceived, this former mayor of Metro city was once a one-man wrecking crew for ridding the streets of the Mad Gear Gang. He now makes his living fighting only the most least well-known wrestlers around the world! It's clear that Mike Haggar should be a playable character in each and every single video game ever made by Capcom.
His hobbies include pounding punks.
He helps to control the luchador immigration problem coming from Mexico by single-handedly guarding the Texas border and using the spinning pile driver on all those unfortunate enough to run into him.
Plus, the man is full of wit and charm.
Mike Haggar is a loving father, a true hero, and the leading cause of cronic back pain.
4. Finally, there's the idea that everyone is qualified to become a game reviewer. I, for one, am in favor of letting everybody express their opinions about individual video games; especially those relying upon a diction of only a 1000 or so words. No one should purchase a video game without first knowing how many greats and goods the game earned in a review by a 14-year-old whose experience in the world of video games includes those titles made as far back as 1998. You can tell that this kid knows what he is talking about, because he has his own authentic rating system from 1.0 to 10.0. I remember playing Fire Emblem a while back, and I gotta say, the graphics did feel a bit "8.5"ish. According to him, if I had played Final Fantasy Tactics, I could have had additional 0.5 graphics, along with a 9.5 amount of fun, instead of 9.0.
I'm telling you, if it wasn't for this idea, we'd all be buying marginally less enjoyable games, and not even know it!
I know there are all sorts of really good ones out there, but I feel that it is enough to address these four main points to the public. We can't have another "Greatest Ideas in Video Gaming History" and neglect the obvious. Thank you.
This blog entry is not sponsored by Tomb Raider: the Board Game:
Play as Lara Croft, or as one of 3 forgetable minor characters from the series! You'll spend hours searching for the fun that the makers claim to exist within the game!
