It's time.

Sometimes, I am jealous of future me. Future me already knows so much more than current me does, but I'm sure he is just as jealous as I am. After all, I'm younger than he is, and with each passing year that I come back to read this drivel, future (older) me will become ever sadder and lost in nostalgia... kinda. I'm a sucker for throwbacks, like playing Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon or watching Megalo Box, rather than returning to Castlevania and Ashita no Joe.

Granted, all the cool kids prefer Joe.

Future me wishes he could go back to fix his mistakes and current me wishes I knew what those mistakes were, so that I could prevent them. There's an unfortunate dynamic between the two of us, and, right now, the most sobering reminder of that revolves around the fate of Nintendo's most beloved mascot, Waluigi.

Waluigi is a rarity... an oddity... an enigmatic purple machine the likes of which have not been seen in Japan since WWII. He's a second-party creation that has successfully become an official resident of the Super Mario universe, much to the chagrin of Big N. A purple-clad stepchild Nintendo would rather do without. This was made especially clear when Nintendo was asked about Waluigi's exclusion from Mario Kart 7. While responding to fans' emails, the game's producer, Yasuyuki Oyagi, referred to Waluigi as an expendable cult classic that had to be cut due to time constraints.

Good thing there's was plenty of time to add all of these non-expendable figures to the roster...

...including Daisy.
Doesn't that seem familiar?

This open lack of respect continued a few years later with a "Pic of the Day" for Super Smash Bros. Brawl:

Later that day, Sakurai's head literally turned into a dick and used it to literally piss into numerous bowls of corn flakes.
Literally.

These may be the two most notable examples, but there are other references that further salt the wound, including a strong disregard of his original brains-over-brawn description in favor of turning Waluigi into the bumbling, incompetent lackey of Wario throughout Nintendo of Europe's Wario's Warehouse online articles back in 2001 - 2003; representing him as the cheapest and, therefore, least profitable land in Nintendo Monopoly (and Bowser only collects taxes for some reason); and having the descriptions of his hat and attire in Odyssey read as "It's rarely worn," and "...makes you want to lurk in the shadows, waiting for a turn in the spotlight" to highlight his infrequent and somewhat insignificant appearances throughout the years. What really began to drive fans to protest in mass, however, came from his brief inclusion in the E3 Direct that mostly centered around Nintendo's next Smash game - Ultimate.

The tagline is Everyone is Here!, and this one boasts every fighter from every previous Smash game. That's an amazing feat when one considers the trouble of getting the rights to use third-party representatives, such as Ryu, Mega Man, Cloud, Pac-Man, and Solid Snake again, along with Bomberman as an assist trophy. The game also introduced the new faces of Daisy (a cheerful and clearly more attractive clone of Peach who originated from Super Mario Land), and Ridley (a frequently demanded antagonist turned into a meme once he was claimed to be too big to be playable). The combination of introducing a character popularized through Mario Tennis and a tall, purple villain could only mean it was finally Waluigi time. It should have! Instead, what followed was a new low for Nintendo.

GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE

When Waluigi finally appeared, he was revealed to, once again, be relegated to that of a mere assist trophy. Oh, but that wasn't humiliating enough. He then became the poster child for a new feature in the Smash series. Defeating assist trophies can now reward players with additional points during match-ups, and it was none other than our own crotch-chopping champion taking the abuse to showcase it. Needless to type, but type it I shall, the Waluigi fandom finally exploded into an online shitstorm of supportive hashtags, low-effort YouTube videos, high-eff.. more low-effort YouTube videos, and even news articles, including one from a rather unlikely source. To no one's surprise, there's also the vocal minority now harassing Sakurai, because... of course there is! It's the fucking internet!

Response to this recent outcry has primarily centered around the belief that Waluigi's fandom is nothing more than a meme-driven farce, and that other characters are somehow more qualified to join because of this. Two things about that - First, quit assuming people are insincere about something just because it conflicts with your view. Yes, Waluigi has memes about him, as does nearly every other member of the Mushroom Kingdom, but, regardless of whether or not his support stems from those memes, there's still a strong demand for him. Second, we all have others characters we want to see in Smash (I foolishly cling to hopes of seeing Yarn Yoshi, Goemon, and King K. Rool some day), but Waluigi's a first-party property with strong ties to Nintendo's collection of party titles. The fact that he's not playable for the third (fourth?) Smash game in a row should be baffling. It should, but hatred for the gangling fellow has been going strong since his debut appearance in Mario Tennis.

Panned by many for being a lazy, obnoxious clone of Luigi, Waluigi became an easy target for amateur clickbait articles during the mid-to-late '00s. In 2007, Gamesradar referred to Waluigi as a lame-o villain, a sentiment later expressed by Cracked in 2008 when it ranked him as the third most annoying video game character ever to be included in an otherwise great game. This article was immediately shared by editor Mike Fahey of Kotaku, along with his personal belief that Waluigi is the most annoying video game character of all time. While it hurts me to read such things, I hesitate to call these remarks "bullying" because they're being directed towards a fictional character outside of the context of his media... and because nobody of value gives a shit about the articles found in Cracked, Kotaku, or Gamesradar. Even within the context of his media, Waluigi is arguably the most hated figure in all of the Mario universe. Mario and Luigi, whom he once admired as a child, declined and even mocked him on the court when he and Wario protested the Tennis tournament for not inviting them to participate. His feelings toward Daisy are one-sided, Bowser views him as being too stupid and ugly to properly regard as a villain, and even Wario has a terrible habit of berating his best friend / possibly brother (no one seems to really know) when things go south for the two of them.

One of the reasons people love Waluigi so much is that he possesses a personality that's unique to the Mario franchise. Bowser wants to rule the Mushroom Kingdom with Princess Peach at his side. Wario wants money, power, and to indulge in a plethora of microgames. You know what Waluigi wants? Some fucking respect! ...and when he never gets it, we end up with a man who only seems to find joy in stripping happiness away from others. He's a sore loser, a sore winner, and a cheater who accuses everyone else of foul play. Waluigi's a world burner residing in a place where even the hills and clouds smile at you.

...yet not the sun for some reason.

When he's not participating in sports, racing, and party games, Waluigi spends his time wallowing in self-pity. He's a sad clown with a miserable soul. Sure, we sometimes laugh at his goofy appearance, silly behavior, and that loud "WAH" we've all come to know and love, but, more than that, Waluigi has become an underdog unlike any other video game character. Hated since conception, Waluigi has continued to languish under the same label of an "expendable" enemy, as if he were just another nameless Goomba or Koopa Troopa, for nearly eighteen years now. It needs to stop.

Super Smash Bros. is a party game built around fan service. Waluigi is a first-party character only ever officially seen in first-party games with a sizable fan base. It should be obvious by now as to why he needs to be a part of the Smash roster.

Show the man some love, will ya?

Wah.