Wednesday, December 28, 2005

He's a hoser!

People don't like Super Mario Sunshine. Some don't like the fact that he isn't in the Mushroom Kingdom; some don't like F.L.U.D.D.; and others hate the lack of an ice, fire, and desert stage. There is a boat ride through lava at the end, but I guess that doesn't count. One thing is certain, these people are morons.

For those of you who would rather skip this chapter of Mario's life, I'd advise against it! Ok, so you want proof as to why you should be playing this game. That's fine. I'll give you an unbiased, and possibly misleading, quickie review of the game to make you wanna play this great classic!


Now then, after defeating Bowser, Wario, Smithy... some bad guy who sucks at his job, Mario, Peach, and Toadsworth all decide it's time to take a vacation. Unfortunately, when they arrive at Isle Delfino, a tropical paradise full of Piantas (fat cousins of N64's Snowboard Kids), Mario is arrested.

Apparently, he, or something that looks like him, has been going around, smearing poo all over the island. What's worse, the sun has had enough of the smell of all that smeared poo and has exploded into several tiny suns that scatter throughout the island, hiding in any spot that isn't reeking of that putrid pooey scent.

Without the heat of the sun, the Piantas had to develop a special ray gun that causes anyone who is hit with the gun to fart uncontrollably. The heat from the farts help warm the island, but only add to already horrendous stench. Who ever this sick f***er is, he must be stopped, or else everyone will fart themselves to death, the sun of Isle Delfino will never return, and Mario will remain a prisoner to the island's misshapen inhabitants for the rest of his fictional life!

For the one or two of you left who haven't already jumped out of your chairs and ran off to purchase your copy of Mario Sunshine, here are a few other things that might convince you of its awesomeness:

First, there's an assortment of characters to meet with:



Well, there's that feces-flinging fake mario, one of his many toilet-choking minions, a smurf, Toad's Gay Pride Parade, and, of course, Yoshi.

Second, just look at this turd-infested island! It's knee-deep in excrement!

I haven't seen that much s*** everywhere since I walked into that gas station bathroom.

Third, it is text-based, so it helps children learn how to read!


That their are some good grammur!

And of course, the ending has greatly improved over that of Mario 64.


She bakes brownies!

Well, as you can see, there is no reason for why you shouldn't be enjoying this game. All those people who hate Super Mario Sunshine just aren't sophisticated enough to appreciate a game of such high standards!