Necromancing my Library: Kickle Cubicle

Once in a while, I pull my Nintendo Entertainment System out of storage and dig through a big box of "blow me" cartridges in hopes of quashing 8-bit nostalgia that loves to creep back into my conscious whenever I listen to chiptunes on iTunes. The most likely targets are Karnov, Paperboy, Galaga, Ghost'n Goblins, and Super Dodge Ball, but I had a desire to go back to something a bit more eye-catching this time around. The game holds a small place in my clogged heart, as some may have noticed through my use of the name for MMO characters and online accounts.

Today, Irem still develops video games, but their production is a far cry from what it was between 1978 and 1994. If their name doesn't ring a bell, then perhaps you've heard of a few of their creations: the R-Type series, Kid Niki: Radical Ninja, Moon Patrol, and 10-Yard Fight. I doubt anyone reading this would know of Rocky Rodent. Actually, it's better that you don't. 

Enjoy seeing that face again in one of your nightmares.

While I'm a fan of Kid Niki... 

This is the last time I'll ever mess with this screenshot again for my blog. I promise.

the game I'm typing about today is Irem's colorful, little puzzler Kickle Cubicle. As the story goes, Fantasy Kingdom used to be a place of wonderment and happiness. Thanks to King Tois, the streets were paved with gold, wars didn't exist, junk food was good for you, and the Pokemon anime only had one season. It was a peaceful era that many believed would last forever, until the day when the Wizard King arrived. Sentenced to death for attempting to suffocate a young freckled child, Bad Mr. Frosty watched in horror as one of his siblings was slowly melted away by a hot bowl of Campbell's soup. As a result, Frosty sent his half-witted, younger brother Wizard King to get revenge on the people who allowed such an atrocity to occur. Along with three of his special friends, Wizard King drove his small bus right into the entrance of Toy Land's castle and covered the land in ice. He then proceeded to stuff everyone into dream bags and scattered them in groups of three all across the lands of Garden, Fruit, Cake, and Toy. No one knows (or really cares) why he did this, but there was one little fellow he forgot to capture.

That's our hero! Even when it's game over, he's still having fun.

Kickle looks like some runt from the Flab Boys family, but, instead of exploding records, this adorable albino (box art be damned!) fights back by breathing on his enemies and turning them into blocks of ice. These cubes are then used either to create paths across the water, or pushed into other enemies in the hope of crushing them to death. This is similar to using the Bomb Kick ability from the Bomberman series, which Hudson Soft licensed to Irem back when the company manufactured arcade games.


He also forms pillars to act as barriers and uses balloons to fly from one spot to the next. Kickle's a simple character to figure out, but the puzzles you must solve gradually become more challenging shortly after you reach Cake Land, and are downright evil once you begin the thirty special game rounds. I wish I could say the same for the Wizard King and his idiot buddies. 

Koke, Kapan, Piro, and Wizard King

The four battles are similar, especially the first three. Koke throws ice cubes at you that break into smaller ice cubes when they land. Simply push three of them into him when he's facing you and the fight's done. Piro tosses balls that break into small balls, which is no different from Koke's ice cubes, but he will occasionally flip jump, rather than charge, at you, and if you move up, rather than left or right, to dodge it, he'll charge into you while he heads back to the top. Kapan chucks, you guessed it, shells that, you guessed it again, break into small shells for you to shove into him. Sounds easy enough, until he curls up into his own shell and begins bouncing off the walls like Armored Armadillo. Rather than wait for him to stop moving around, I find it easier to hit him from the sides of the room. Lastly, Wizard King himself is a complete waste of time. 

"Hee, hee, how dare you come up here. How can you defeat me?"

Gee, I don't know! You got a staff that shoots balls of water around the room. What effect could my ice breath possibly have against that? Oh, and let's not forget about that helmet of yours. Seriously, a guy would have to be brain dead to use a bucket for protection.

I rest my case.

After using his staff, King likes to jump high up into the air in an attempt to land on top of Kickle. His defeat is simple. Turn the glob of water into a large block of ice, avoid being crushed by the snowman's fat, cold ass, and shove the ice into his gut once he slams into the floor. Once he is defeated, Kickle is abruptly thrown out of the room and wakes up in a bedroom to the sight of Princess Mira, the youngest daughter of King Tois. After a few words of gratitude from her father, Mira rewards Kickle with a kiss and her hand in marriage. It's a far better ending than only receiving a baked cake from Princess Peach.  The whole thing is a visual treat for the player (except Paul, because he can't see colors), and the citizens are adorable, especially the girl with the head of a wrapped piece of candy. I also appreciate the inclusion of the quick-kill option for each level. If the player knows he cannot complete the puzzle, pressing the select button will end it immediately so that he may try again sooner, rather than after the timer runs out. If there is a reason to bitch, it would have to be the crummy dialogue:  


Tomato girl: "A monster is in the palace, scaring the princess. Please destroy him!"
Apple boy: "Thank you, Kickle, now the sunken palace is reappearing! Is the princess still safe and sound? Please, Kickle, beat the hateful monster!" (I know they are the bad guys, but it just sounds wrong coming from these two food citizens, and how would I know if the princess is safe? If she isn't, I can think of at least one piece of fruit to blame for that.) 
Piro: "Good job to come up here! But you have to give up now." (Didn't I just go down into a sunken palace to meet this goof?) 
Kapan: "Hee, hee, you are Kickle. I will punish you!" (It's hard to take him seriously when this sounds like something Skeeter Valentine would say to me if I was battling him to save a race of sentient food beings from having their bike stolen.)
Old red stocking man: "Our palace is said to have been hidden in a faraway world. If only I were young I could fight together with you, Kickle, my boy! Be careful! Good luck!" (What a shame. A young sock could have come in handy while battling evil.)
Kickle: "Thank you for playing with me! See you again!" (No. Just... no.)


I'm also not a fan of the baddie Noggles. I mean, why do we need another blue slime representing the weakest creature in a game? Didn't I just bitch about this a few entries ago when I was typing about Golden Sun?


Still, Kickle Cubicle's focus is on solving the puzzles, and there are 97 of them to figure out. A few seem like giveaways midway into the game, like they were meant to be moments of rest after failing repeatedly with a couple of the more difficult stages prior to them, and many are designed in various shapes, like... um..
 
Again. Just... no.

Many gamers view Cubicle as a "forgotten classic", but I noticed recently that Kickle has a cult following. The KickleCubicle website is dedicated to creating a level editor based upon the game, while others in the NoobToob community have participated in what is called Kickefest. I especially enjoy the images by Douglas Bushong, a 3D artist who seems to be in the process of creating a video to advertise the convention. According to an old post on his blog, the plan is to have the video done by 2014. This is a lot more attention than most NES games will ever receive, and, if this keeps up, perhaps we'll be seeing a brand new Kickle in the near future.
 
Hopefully not like this.

Don't Read; Not Interesting (for you, that is)

I figured it was Vampire Hunter D when TNT's 100% Weird aired the movie one boring weekend a long time ago. Other possible candidates might have been Monkey Magic, Ninja Scroll, Voltron, or a stray episode of the original Dragonball series.

I discovered the truth while watching PONIES the Anthology II on Youtube. In addition to clips imitating the opening for The Walking Dead, the video of Leeroy Jenkins, and overdubbing bits of the show with music or one-liners from other media, the one in particular that caught my interest was an ABC bumper from 1988 playing to the scene of an exhausted Applejack crashing into the dirt. That got me searching for the other bumpers ABC used with their Saturday morning cartoons. This led me to videos of the bumpers Nickelodeon used in the late 80s and early 90s which primarily featured Doo-Wop. Not surprisingly, because I had no life back then either, I was able to recognize all but two of them. I type "two" but it was just the same one with "1986" replacing "1985" at the start of it. Of course, why would I remember them? They would have only aired when I was three and four years old. Even if I was plopped in front of the tube at that age, I wouldn't have realized what was going on. I guess I could lie about that like those little fucks who are featured on TV periodically for being talented at an early age: "I've been horseback riding since I was two years old." No, you were shown a Polaroid of when your parents held you on the saddle while they posed for the camera. By your logic, if I had a snapshot of some brat chewing on a pencil, then he's probably going to grow up to become a writer. Heck, let's say the kid really did become a writer. I doubt he'd claim the foundation of his career started with the taste of graphite. More likely, he'd talk about the first piece he wrote that he felt proud of or of one that merited some sort of recognition from others. I started playing on the Nintendo when I was five. I was given a controller and left to figure out how to use it for Super Mario Bros., Duck Hunt, and Track & Field. Maybe when my parents had an Atari, they placed the joystick in front of me and added another photo in my baby book, but I am not about to count that as the start of my interest in video games.

Anyway, where wasn't I? Oh, well, those bumpers brought on more curiosity, which led me to research (research = Wikipedia nowadays) the programming Nickelodeon had running when I was a child. I was fortunate enough to enjoy Nick's golden years, before Viacom took over and turned the image of the familiar orange slime logo into one of splattered shit.

Looking over the names on the list, I vaguely remembered the time I wasted watching Double Dare, Pinwheel, You Can't Do That on Television, Today's Special, and The Elephant Show. Two other shows I noticed were actually a pair of anime called Noozles and Adventures of the Little Koala, which aired from '87 to '94 ('88 to '93 for Noozles). These were products of some Koala craze going on in Japan in the mid-to-late 80s (similar to America's obsession with Australia at the time) that Nickelodeon picked up for its Nick Jr. hours. They're also the first anime shows I have ever watched and was old enough to retain memories of to this day. I hadn't realized they were from Japan, however, so I found it to be an interesting bit of information from my pitiful childhood. As for those of you who couldn't have cared less about me, I've provided an apology in the form of a poorly rendered fart image of Noozles I made on MS Paint:

Just one more piece of evidence to indicate why I'm not "koala"fied to be writing a comedy blog.